I realize this is not a complete draft. It took some time to sift through my ideas. A few trial writings, a ton of coffee, and one night of shitty sleep later...when I woke up today, I knew exactly what was to be done. The past few hours of my precious time have been spent bangin' it out on the keyboard, only for the library to have a FREAKING power outage slash fire alarm. (Friends, I kid you not.) Do you think I hit the save button even once since I had started to finish this piece? No. Idiot. And standing in the freezing cold for over 20 minutes didn't help my now foul mood.
Needless to say, this is what you get. I will be spending the remainder of my evening recomposing the rest and hopefully it proves to be as good as the original.
Maybe Jesus thought my work was garbage.
Or maybe Karma is a bigger bitch than I thought.
Living the Dream (working title)
5:34 a.m.
My key fits perfectly in the lock. With one swift turn, I hear the deadbolt flip and the door swings open. Security alarm beeps that ear-splitting sound. Enter the code to turn that damn thing off. I head to the front of the store, dragging my feet, jonessing for coffee. Light switches are found and my eyes have a difficult time adjusting. Count money, assemble slicer, make coffee. The aroma fills the store as I put clean dishes away from the night before. I keep a close eye on the clock, knowing customers will be waiting for me to open at the top of the hour. Before flipping yet another deadbolt, I grab my soy milk from the refrigerator to doctor a cup of Columbian Blend. There’s something so serene about this time of day, sipping my joe and enjoying the silence. But, alas. The clock brings on the storm. I see headlights outside the front window and reach for my keys. Co-worker Miranda greets me at the door with a pan of eggs, followed by Bill, looking for breakfast.
9:47 a.m.
It’s a busy morning. Amidst breakfast specials, I’ve made sandwiches for the case and worked on the bank deposit. All the regulars come and go; we ‘shoot the shit’ like old friends, even though I haven’t known them long. Help has arrived, so I take a moment to enjoy a little breakfast, refill my coffee cup for a third (maybe fourth) time. Miranda brings in the soup of the day—Asian Vegetable Beef—and sticks around to chat while giving her creation a final stir. She decides to add a dash more of the secret Asian Sauce, but spills in the process, leaving a trail of spicy goodness on the counter. I quickly wipe up the mess as more customers pile inside, looking for lunch.
Oops, I first posted this under your pics, but will repost here now.
ReplyDeleteI like your narrative. I'll be interested to see how you tie in the limes, beer, and finally the chocolate, which is how every good meal should end. As a reader, I was pulled into the story by your colloquial style, i.e. "jonessing for coffee.". Sounds like just the sort of 'list' that a working day starts with. One thing that was confusing: why does Miranda meet you at the door with a pan of eggs? She's bringing them to the store already cooked? Also, why don't you know the customers well? At first it seems like you've worked here a long time.
I like the title to your piece. People can relate to the humor and slight sarcasm. The Asian sauce is an intriguing detail, and adds interest to the story and visuals, because it's different than the other pics. It was a cool idea to let the pics determine the story. So, where do you think you'll take the ending? Will you end with an 'quitting time' scenario?
I found it interesting just how you described so many little details. The Asian sauce spilling and making a mess, the people might be nice, yet your stuck cleaning up the mess, if even an accidental one. The strong narrative really works, in a way that I can imagine myself sitting there at 5:34am drinking coffee wanting the caffeine to kick in and get to work. I liked the way you described the customers as 'old friends' even though you haven't known them all that long. I find that interesting that we may have friends for years, but do we 'truly' know them? It's easy to talk to people who are more of strangers because you don't really know them, so there is more to talk about. Really enjoyed seeing you put that in your paper.
ReplyDeleteAs a reader, I am waiting and thinking...what happens next? or is that it?...this ending works also...just a quick glimpse of what is going on....
1. Having worked in customer service I know the feeling of getting to the store early in the morning and knowing there's going to be a long day ahead. Usually this feeling is accompanied by a very heavy silence, and I think you captured that atmosphere very well in the first paragraph by using sounds that one wouldn't normally pay attention to.
ReplyDelete2. From what I can see, I think it might be cool to add in a bit of dialogue. For instance, did your customers say anything throughout the day to you? What kind of attitude do they have when they come in in the morning?
3. How does this story tie-in with the pictures you took? What does the food have to do with the setting you're describing?
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ReplyDeleteHi Whitney –
ReplyDeleteYour photographs mostly circulate around food in its uneaten state – ready for serving, and your text focuses on the serving itself. There’s an interesting tension there between the cleanness and almost lack of people in the pictures (except for a couple) and the activity swirling around the restaurant you describe, a tension you capture nicely in the first paragrah, actually, as the quiet of the moment snaps into action. I wonder if this is a theme you will continue to push?
It’s obviously a first draft, as you note, and I am sorry for the difficulties you had with the writing, but it’s okay too, because I think yo’ve probably landed somewhere more interesting than you might have. (Pretty sure Jesus was busy with other things, but who knows?) I know you’ll work further on style once you get the idea more squarely developed, so I won’t focus extensively on that here.
What I am seeing here is something a little different from some typical meditations on food, but certainly your photographs suggest that some ideas about food and culture will be at the center of your piece. I suspect this wil have to do as well with the idea of serving food too, which certainly seems a theme in the picture, the idea of preparing food not for friends but for customers.
So I like the direction you’re heading, and I am curious to see what ideas you pull out more fully from the writing – at this point, I can’t see where you’re taking it, beyond the narrative aspect, but I have faith that you have a direction to go in.
Kirk